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Heidi at Masturbation’s Final Frontier

 
Did you ever see that movie from the 70s about the computer that traps a human woman in her home because it wants to have a baby? Ah, only in the 70s! Today, that movie would be a little different. Instead of the computer pursuing the woman, she’d be trapping HIM in the house and demanding he get to work on producing a bigger, faster dongus – and howzabout some nipple massagers and an electric ass tickler while you’re at it! But until that great day is upon us, Heidi will have to be satisfied with the vibrating rubber cock on THIS fuck-robot.

No Hands for Motorvatin’, Masturbatin’ Candice

 
There are many unlikely little triggers that set off sexual urges; it’s these same triggers that are at the root of most fetishes. For instance, if mom used to swat your fanny, that’s probably why you get off so hard when some tramp paddles your ass. So what does it mean when the noisy-as-fuck Sybian device gives video whores like Candice the most incredible orgasms of their lives? Do these crazy bitches start soaking their panties now every time someone in the neighborhood starts a lawnmower?

Candice Fucks Outside the Box

 
Perhaps men should simply lay down their cocks and accept defeat gracefully. For years, the complaint has been that most males just don’t have the sexual endurance needed to truly satisfy a woman like Candice. So after years of diligent research, we finally get hard-on drugs that give us peckers stiff enough to play the piano and what happens? Some joker comes up with a machine that’s not only perpetually hard, but has variable vibrating speeds and can twirl a dong in a woman’s pussy like it was blending a soft-serve up there. Sweet merciful Jesus, a brother needs to be half fucking bionic just to break off a piece of ass these days!

First-Timer Alexis Takes the Sybian Challenge

 
Times are changing, and whores like Alexis are leading the charge. Was it really so long ago that our own President was going on historical record questioning whether or not a blowjob counts as sexual intercourse? These days the questions – and the answers – have already become significantly more complex. For instance, does it still count as cheating if you’re getting fucked by some robot machine with a dong?



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